Be Seen Among Your People
When I left home for Nairobi as a newly minted engineer ready to play my role in building the nation, I was repeatedly reminded by my elders “kukaighe wandunyi, (be seen among your people)’.
In my community this is no casual advice. It is a serious social expectation with serious consequences. It means showing up in support of your community members especially in moments of difficulty such as illness and death.
Should one consistently fail to heed this call yekaia wandunyi, especially in times of loss, my people know how to punish. The reprimand is meted out when the culprit is at their most vulnerable making it severe and extremely painful.
I have often wondered whether this pain to the culprit and the fear instilled in those on the peripheries serves its intended purpose.
From what we now understand in coaching and neuroscience, fear rarely produces positive and lasting behaviour change. When people feel threatened or shamed, the brain moves into survival mode; fight or flee.
Since it is impossible to fight a community the culprits mostly simply pull away completely. While the others comply with little creativity on how to draw advantage from the coming together/pulling together beyond burying the dead.
Yet the truth is there is profound wisdom behind kukaia wandunyi.
Being seen among your people should not only happen when someone has died.
We can gather to:
- Learn from each other
- Celebrate milestones
- Solve the problems that face our communities
- Encourage one another’s growth
When communities meet before crisis, solidarity becomes natural when crisis comes.
Today technology has made gathering far easier than it was in those days when we did so mainly at Garden Square. But technology alone is not enough.
Communities still need leadership, thoughtful conversations, and spaces where people feel invited rather than compelled.
That is where coaching approaches can help.
Coaching helps communities move:
- from fear to ownership
- from obligation to participation
- from isolation to belonging
Perhaps the deeper invitation in kukaia wandunyi is not just to showing up when we must but to show up in ways that help each other live better lives.
And that is work worth doing together. Its work I am loving!
I love this perspective. Shifting the focus from gathering only in times of grief to gathering for growth and celebration makes the community a source of life rather than just a safety net for loss. A beautiful call to action for modern communities!
“Our communities as sources of life rather than just safety nets for loss!” this is a excellent summary Anthony. Thank you for your comment.